The household · read the passages together
Page 01 · The household
The head and the body.
Paul takes one familiar sentence from Eden and connects it to Christ and the church. The connection tells us a great deal about what love, headship, and faithfulness require. It does not, by itself, tell us how many marriages a man may have.
We will read five passages, then put the husband’s duties and the wife’s duties side by side. We will also look at what Paul’s analogy teaches and where that analogy stops.
First, read what Genesis says
עַל־כֵּן יַעֲזׇב־אִישׁ אֶת־אָבִיו וְאֶת־אִמּוֹ וְדָבַק בְּאִשְׁתּוֹ וְהָיוּ לְבָשָׂר אֶחָד׃
transliteration
al-ken ya'azov-ish et-aviv ve'et-immo, vedavaq be'ishto, vehayu levasar echad.
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
A close literal rendering.
The sentence gives us the first part of the picture: a man and his wife become one flesh. What that proves, and what it does not prove, has a fuller discussion here. For now, just keep the phrase one flesh in mind. Paul is about to bring it back.
Then Paul quotes it
ἀντὶ τούτου καταλείψει ἄνθρωπος τὸν πατέρα καὶ τὴν μητέρα καὶ προσκολληθήσεται πρὸς τὴν γυναῖκα αὐτοῦ, καὶ ἔσονται οἱ δύο εἰς σάρκα μίαν.
transliteration
anti toutou kataleipsei anthrōpos ton patera kai tēn mētera kai proskollēthēsetai pros tēn gynaika autou, kai esontai hoi dyo eis sarka mian.
For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
A close literal rendering.
Paul brings the Eden sentence directly into a passage about husbands and wives. He is writing in Greek, so the wording comes from the Greek form of Genesis rather than the Hebrew shown above. The last words still match: לְבָשָׂר אֶחָד in Genesis and σάρκα μίαν in Paul. Both say one flesh. He is not merely echoing Genesis. He wants us to recognize the sentence.
Paul says what marriage is meant to resemble
τὸ μυστήριον τοῦτο μέγα ἐστίν, ἐγὼ δὲ λέγω εἰς Χριστὸν καὶ εἰς τὴν ἐκκλησίαν.
transliteration
to mystērion touto mega estin, egō de legō eis Christon kai eis tēn ekklēsian.
This mystery is great, and I am speaking about Christ and the church.
A close literal rendering.
Read the two verses together. Paul quotes the one-flesh sentence, then tells us what he has in view: Christ and the church. That tells us how seriously he takes the union. Paul directs the husband away from appetite and control and toward Christ, who loves the church and gives Himself for her.
Elsewhere Paul describes the church as one body with many members (1 Corinthians 12:14). That image teaches that no member is disposable and that each contributes to the life of the whole, but it does not mean each member represents a wife. Paul is not mapping every feature of one relationship onto the other.
Keep Christ in the sentence when you read about headship
Θέλω δὲ ὑμᾶς εἰδέναι ὅτι παντὸς ἀνδρὸς ἡ κεφαλὴ ὁ Χριστός ἐστιν, κεφαλὴ δὲ γυναικὸς ὁ ἀνήρ, κεφαλὴ δὲ τοῦ Χριστοῦ ὁ Θεός.
transliteration
Thelō de hymas eidenai hoti pantos andros hē kephalē ho Christos estin, kephalē de gynaikos ho anēr, kephalē de tou Christou ho Theos.
But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is the man, and the head of Christ is God.
A close literal rendering.
The verse names an order: God, Christ, the husband, and his wife. But do not rush past the last clause. The head of Christ is God. Christ himself lives under headship, and no Christian takes that to mean Christ is lesser. So a husband cannot turn headship into a claim of greater worth, and a wife does not lose worth by living within that order.
Eden gives another reason not to treat the helper as lesser. The woman was made as an ezer, and Scripture uses that word most often for God Himself as Israel’s help. Peter likewise calls husband and wife “heirs together of the grace of life” (1 Peter 3:7).
What does Paul ask from each of them?
Read both columns together because leaving out either spouse’s duties distorts the picture Paul gives.
What he owes her
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
Ephesians 5:25
Paul gives the husband Christ’s self-giving love as his model. That reaches ordinary decisions too, especially when what he wants collides with what his wife needs.
“He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it.”
Ephesians 5:28-29
Both verbs are tender ones, defined by where else they occur. Nourish, ektrephō, is the word for raising a child (Ephesians 6:4). Cherish, thalpō, appears one other time in the New Testament: a nursing mother keeping her children warm (1 Thessalonians 2:7). Caring for her is caring for his own body, with the kind of care those two words describe.
“…so that your prayers may not be hindered.”
1 Peter 3:7
The verse binds him to understanding and honor, and ties his own prayers to it: Peter warns that a husband who fails here will find his prayers hindered.
“If anyone does not provide for his own household, he has denied the faith.”
1 Timothy 5:8
The verb is pronoeō, to think ahead for someone; Paul uses the same word for taking thought to do what is honorable (Romans 12:17). Scripture’s idea of provision includes more than money: Exodus names food, clothing, and marital care among what a husband owes, Exodus 21:10. A man can fund a house and still fail to provide for it.
What she owes him
“Wives, to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”
Ephesians 5:22
In the earliest manuscripts this verse has no verb of its own. It borrows verse 21’s language of submitting. The command is addressed to her, while the husband is addressed with commands to love, give himself, and care for her. Paul never tells him to produce her submission by force, and “as to the Lord” never authorizes anything God forbids.
“Let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
Ephesians 5:33
Her word is phobeō, reverence, the same root Scripture uses for the fear of the Lord: honor toward him, not terror of him. He is told to love; she is told to honor. Neither command gives one spouse permission to neglect the command addressed to them.
“…they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives.”
1 Peter 3:1-2
Peter is writing about a husband who does not obey the word at all. He describes a kind of influence that an argument alone may never have.
“The wise among women builds her house; the foolish tears it down with her own hands.”
Proverbs 14:1
חַכְמ֣וֹת נָ֭שִׁים בָּנְתָ֣ה בֵיתָ֑הּ וְ֝אִוֶּ֗לֶת בְּיָדֶ֥יהָ תֶהֶרְסֶֽנּוּ The proverb gives her choices real weight. Her wisdom can build a home, and her foolishness can help pull it apart.
Whom they both answer to
“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you… Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.”
James 4:7, 10
Before either spouse answers to the other, both answer to God. Every other duty on this page begins there.
“Give no opportunity to the devil.”
Ephesians 4:27
Paul writes the same warning into marriage itself: come back together “so that Satan may not tempt you” (1 Corinthians 7:5, on the discussion of that passage). Paul sees selfishness as more than a bad habit between two people. He says it can open a door neither of them wants open.
“The body builds itself up in love, as each part is working properly.”
Ephesians 4:16, condensed
Two chapters before the marriage passage, Paul says the body grows as every part does its work, with everyone contributing to the health of the whole rather than one useful person surrounded by passive people.
What happens when he is wrong?
This order does not ask a wife to pretend her husband is always right. Abigail gives us a vivid example. When Nabal insulted David and David came with four hundred armed men, Abigail saw the danger her husband had missed. She went out to meet David, spoke plainly, and stopped him from bloodguilt. David thanked God for her judgment (1 Samuel 25:32-33).
Abigail’s action opposed her husband’s decision, but it protected his household and kept David from bloodguilt. The story does not ask a wife to pretend a destructive choice is wise. There is also a boundary no human relationship can cross: “We must obey God rather than men” (Acts 5:29). A husband does not become the final authority over what God has said.
Two words worth a closer look
Open either word to see how Scripture uses it elsewhere.
- The word for the head is · head. The passage defines the word by what the husband does: he loves, gives himself, feeds, and cares for her. The passage never turns it into a list of privileges.
- The word for her part is · to submit, to be subject. The boy Jesus does it to His parents, and Christians do it to God. Those uses show that submission does not measure a person’s worth. The word still has to be interpreted in its sentence rather than turned into either domination or a slogan about equality.
c. 60
The Greek, verses 21 and 22
ὑποτασσόμενοι ἀλλήλοις ἐν φόβῳ Χριστοῦ, αἱ γυναῖκες τοῖς ἰδίοις ἀνδράσιν ὡς τῷ Κυρίῳ
In the earliest witnesses verse 22 has no verb of its own. Its instruction depends grammatically on the participle in verse 21.
c. 400
Vulgate
mulieres viris suis subditae sint, sicut Domino
The Latin supplies a verb in the wives clause. Later readers can therefore encounter it as a grammatically complete instruction even when verse 21 is not quoted.
1611
King James
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord
The KJV supplies a reflexive English verb, keeping the instruction addressed to the wife rather than to the husband.
today
Common use
“Wives, submit,” quoted alone, without verse 21 before it or verse 25 after it
Quoting only these two words removes the preceding call to submission in reverence for Christ and the following commands addressed to the husband.
The textual and translation history affects how easily verse 22 can be heard apart from verse 21. It does not erase the distinct instructions Paul gives wives and husbands.
What this analogy cannot prove
Ephesians 5 addresses a husband and a wife. Paul’s church is made of many members, but that fact does not prove that a husband may have many wives. Israel’s twelve tribes came through four mothers, but that does not turn the family tree into a command. Using either analogy as the legal proof would ask it to do work Paul never assigns to it.
The meaning of kephalē is also disputed. Some scholars emphasize authority and others source. I do not need to settle that debate before hearing Paul’s direct commands: the husband loves, gives himself, nourishes, and cherishes; the wife answers her own husband as to the Lord.
The numerical question has to be decided from passages that address it. If my reading of those passages is right, Ephesians still tells every husband how he must love each wife. If the traditional reading is right, Ephesians gives that same standard to one husband and one wife. In either case, a husband cannot turn headship into entitlement.
What does all of this ask of a husband and wife?
Genesis gives us one flesh. Paul places the husband under Christ and Christ under God. He speaks to the wife about her response to her husband and tells the husband to love her as Christ gave Himself for the church. Both answer to God before either asks something of the other.
Whatever conclusion you reach about polygyny, any permission has to live under these commands. A husband must love his wife as his own body, and a change in the household never reduces that obligation.
Check the passages
- Ephesians 5:31 and 5:32, every Greek word · the quotation and the mapping
- 1 Corinthians 11:3, every Greek word · the order it names
- Proverbs 14:1 in the Hebrew · the wise woman and the foolish one
- Genesis 2:24, the full page · what Eden establishes and what it does not
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